I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
