If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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