He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
