she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
