hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I think I am morally bankrupt
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
