i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
