I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
