Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
