Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
