So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
