I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
