Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
