The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
