i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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