She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
