i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
