Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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