What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Damn victory sex feels great
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
