please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
