ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
