Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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