There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
