I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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