Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
