After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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