smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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