I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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