ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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