My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
