In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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