I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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