I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
