it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
