don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
