Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
