I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
