How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
