By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
