She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
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