guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
