ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
how drunk are you?
Several
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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