FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
