Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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