I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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