my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
