trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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