k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
