giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
