I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Buhtt sex?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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