a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
