I'm jealous of your bromance
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Randomize
