What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
