I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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