It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
